Avert Your Eyes, Children

Several people have wondered what we'd do here at omanews headquarters once Pat was gone. Well, it turns out, we can use some of our time to try and spare viewers from unnecessary suffering. Hence, we are issuing a LEVEL 5 ELICTIA ALERT. (For those of you outside the market, this name is pronounced "uh-LEESH-uh"; the name is normally spelled "Alicia" or "Alycia." Who knows what her parents were

May 25th Can't Come Soon Enough

Those of you who witnessed the mid-newscast blubberfest on last night's "Ten at Ten" know that nothing we write here can top it. For those of you who missed it: nothing we write here can do it justice. Billed as a "big announcement" both on WOWT's website and on-air, Pat Persaud announced that she is leaving the station, in a fit of weeping and rambling the likes of which we haven't seen in some

Humbug

Holiday time at Channel Sux means filling up time that nobody would buy with "holiday greetings" that showcase the station's on-air personalities and their families.This year, cotton-candy-for-brains morning anchorette Maladroit Maddox's spot features her inexplicable need to have neighbors help her put decorations up around the inside of her house. Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man Brian Mastre and his

Hansen On the Job

Contrary to a rumor that surfaced on our comments board, KPTM's Dave Hansen was not suspended over his story this week on internet porn. A source at Channel 42 characterizes the report as "not true."Hell, when you have FOX in your station's name, porn stories usually mean a promotion, don't they?

Bright

At what point did "sun-glare" become such a point of concern for weather-guessers?We think it began about the time dimwit Channel 6 Ejacucaster Andrea Rich galloped into town. It quickly spread to her alto-voiced colleague Jeff Jensen and has even made it into the mush-mouthed babbling of Channel 7's Andrea "Welcome Back AND Good Morning" Bredow.With apologies to Mike McKnight, we found it

Ejacucasting

To hear the Suxers tell it, none of them can go anywhere without being mobbed by folks wanting to know about "Jim's Winter Forecast." Yeah, sure. Hardly anyone's talking about the election, or Thanksgiving being right around the corner, or the latest episode of "The Office." We'll bet Jim's appearances in public look like the return of the Elvis. People are so dependent on his pronouncements.Oh

Replacementplex

KETVNewswatchseven'sJulie Cornell finally announced what's been widely known for months: she's vacating her anchor position at the end of July and being replaced by Brandi Peterson. The complete announcement is here.While many have speculated that Cornell is being "Schradered"—shown the door for reasons of age, in the same way that Cornell's legendary predecessor, Carol Schrader, was forced out

Busy Week Grab Bag

While we've been otherwise engaged this week, odds and ends have popped up here and there, but nothing remarkable. So, for your amusement, we present various of the brain droppings that we've meant to turn into posts over the past few days...• In addition to eyeing work at KPTM, former WOWT morning anchor Trey Jones has apparently informed KETV of his interest in filling the anchor chair on that

It's How You Use It

Apparently dismayed by the meager 1.2" offical snowfall reading from Eppley Airfield, WOWT chief meteorologist Jim Flowers proudly reporter that he had "a hard three inches" in his front yard. There are some things we'd prefer Jim only share with Mrs. Flowers and his urologist. (Feel free to contribute your own punchlines.)

Mail

Contributions from two alert readers...Letter Number One:Did you see the ad in omahahelpwanted.com, and I think I also saw it while perusing the NE job bank:http://regionalhelpwanted.com/Search/detail.cfm?SN=31&ID=20107968They are also looking for a photojournalist. These ads are a couple of weeks old. Letter Number Two:I just happened to be watching Channel Sux sports Saturday evening waiting

Movin' On (Up?)

Our dream of a Jacim-Mueller anchor team on KPTM appears to be one step closer to reality. Check out who was medialine.com's talent of the day for Tuesday. Thanks to the alert reader who pointed this out to us.

Tuesday/Wednesday Splatterings

• Anyone playing the drinking game and watching WOWT's 10 p.m. news on Tuesday would've been dead from alcohol poisoning before the first commercial. John Knicely and Pat Persaud were indulging their "so-and-so, reporting live" fetish to a degree unmatched in our memory. Honest to God, they must've said it six or seven times, even though they conversed with each reporter and it would've been

Okay, Who Let Liggett Type That?

An alert reader points out this crawl at the bottom of the screen on Channel 7:"Your watching Newswatch 7"Other notes from other alert readers that took the words right out of our mouths:Who is directing the [Channel 6] news on weekends? I know you have touched on this before, but it is painful to watch Paul and Jaime sitting there staring into the camera, while the other is reading something

Ten Years...and They Still Can't Beat the Crap on WOWT

KETV is performing all sorts of contortions while patting itself on the back via promos "celebrating" the 10 years that its main anchor team has been together.Station management isn't likely to mention that the quartet's tenure began only after the station drove longtime anchor Carol Schrader off the air. At the time, insiders reported that station management subjected Schrader to repeated

Crawling

Maybe this is a sign we've had the TV on too much, but it seems like this must be Have a Dolt Run the Chyron Day at local TV stations. The bungled attempt below, from KETV, ran during a story about the governor announcing he won't seek Ben Nelson's U.S. Senate seat in two years. Are TV keyboards harder to use than regular keyboards?

Say It's Ain't So, Sarah

We had wanted to believe it wasn't true. But now, having heard it from several reliable sources, we are sad to report the impending departure of KMTV weekend meteorologist Sarah Walters. One source claims she's headed for Phoenix for a TV job there (insert your own Phoenix and hot joke here), while another suggests that she is following her husband to an unknown location due to job